You stole my FUNDA!

For anyone who is wondering why I haven't been keeping in touch, it's been rather busy...and my computer crashed. Someone was able to fix it but it's still not working as well as it should. Hopefully this weekend another person can have a look at it.

Life's been going well here in Auckland. I went to Rotorua last weekend with Walter and Stephanie and had such a great time...I really can't wait to go back. We started our Saturday off getting up early since it was a three hour drive. On the way there, we stopped at this candy store called Candyland. Wait till you see the pictures. After that, we went zorbing...or rather, Walter and I did. Stephanie did a fantastic job taping it though. Zorbing is this giant plastic ball you get in to with water in it...then they roll you down this huge hill. It was so much fun. I will try to post the video but seeing as how my computer is under the weather, that might have to wait. We also went to a park and then ended the day at a Polynesian Spa. It was such a great day. Rotorua is my new favorite place. :)

Other than that, I've just been working and thinking about my spirituality. The other night I actually had a dream about two people who used to be a part of my life. I was so angry at them in my dream that when I woke up, I was sad that I felt that way. I know there will always be people who come and go out of my life, but I never expected it to be them. I think what bothers me the most is that I still care. Honestly, I don't want to care. Everything in me wants to forget one of them was ever part of my life...yet that is impossible.

I think the reason I'm so angry about it is that they don't care. They haven't in such a long time and I wish I could be just like that. Ignore the past, focus on the future and not acknowledge what those friendships once were. Unfortunately I don't operate that way. I am a complicated individual and I can't get over this. I know this must be getting so old to the people who have heard me struggle with this over the past year, but it still haunts me. I never wanted to give up. I felt like I did everything I could...and yet, I'm the only one left caring. I'm a disciple of Christ and wish I could face my Judas the way Jesus did.

Jesus is truly amazing, eh? He washed Judas' feet knowing full well he was to betray him. How do I learn to wash the feet of those who hurt me and love them despite the ways I've been treated? I didn't come to New Zealand planning to struggle with this...actually I never planned for this past year to be the way it was, but God has taught me a great deal.

All I can say is that while I never wanted to spend my time abroad thinking of the problems I left behind, God wants me to face them...why else would I be dreaming about them? As frustrating as it is, I want to get past all this. What would happen if I had to face my Judas again? I have a year to heal, a year to mourn, a year to forgive and learn to love again...and I must succeed. Life is too short and I will have to face God one day. I don't want to hurt him and I obviously want to go to heaven. I'm even annoyed that I've written this blog, that I still waste time thinking about this situation, but there's something I haven't learned yet.

If only I could figure it out...

Prayer. Patience. Persistence.

I feel like such a loser. I wish I didn't care. Yet I do. Sigh.