Oh where of where has Sarah disappeared to?
The last few weeks have been rather interesting. I moved in with another couple from church recently. They have two young boys that I love to pieces! It feels like I've only been there a week but it's actually been three.
I turned 24 on December 9. I still can't believe I'm 24 and neither could this guy on the street that was doing a survey the other day. lol. I had a Thanksgiving/Birthday dinner one night. We played the white elephant game which had us laughing hysterically. Poor Sam got a dog collar and William brought a manequin's arm! Crazy.
Monday at work, everyone brought in all kinds of NZ snacks for morning tea for my bday. I'm so oblivious too. I sit near the kitchen and people were walking past me with trays of food all morning and I didn't even notice until they almost burned something. My boss bought me this really nice Mor lip balm and some nail polish (because I "have to have nice feet for the beach!") and two of my favorite workmates bought me a beautiful greenstone necklack. It was just such a great day. Not only that, but the Bible talk I'm part of threw me and this teen, Kathleen, a surprise bday party on that Tuesdy as well.
So in total, I celebrated my birthday 4 days in a row. :)
Hmm...so what else is new? I was on the train the other day when this guy wearing red t-shirt with Jesus written on it got on the train. He started yelling and walking up and down the train saying, "Few are chosen but I am one of them" yada yada. The worst part was when he started bribing people with $5 to shout Jesus' name. I couldn't believe it! I was getting so angry for God watching this guy bribe people. That was a very long train ride. The funny thing is that the guy saw me reading my Bible and didn't say anything to me but kept talking to everyone else.
Work has been incredibly busy in the lead up to Christmas. Tomorrow is my last day of work for three weeks though so I'm extremely excited! I leave on Saturday for my North Island adventures. WOO-HOO Traveling!!! I'll be gone 23 days so don't expect to hear too much from me (not that I've been doing a good job keeping up with this anyway lol).
Anyway, I shall sign off now. I will try to update again soon. Pray I have safe travels. I'm still contemplating on sky diving in Taupo. EEK!
I miss you all! Take care!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
Did your mate get out of the army?
I wish that I could explain everything...but I don't even understand the things that are going on. I love this blog and enjoy pouring out my heart, but there are some things that aren't suitable for this. I apologize for not updating lately but there is so much going on and I need to be going to God with all of this.
I went and bought a new journal the other day...something I do often and have been taking the time to write out where I was at spiritually before I left for NZ and where I am at now. I'm not contemplating walking away from God...please don't think that. I love Him and I want to become stronger. Unfortunately I have been hurt, which yes we all get hurt, but this is a new kind of hurt for me. So please pray for my heart, for wisdom, for guidance and just to rely on God in figuring things out. I know I will be okay and whilst everything in me wants to worry about others, at this point I have to try to take care of myself first.
On a happy note though, I recently receiving news of something from back home that I have been praying for ages about. I was so excited when I found out that I felt like one part of my heart has been healed and I will continue to pray for God to bless these new happenings back in Charlotte.
On Sunday, I will be turning 24 for anyone who wasn't aware. I can't believe it. I still feel 18 most of the time. Happy Birthday to me!
I should go. Just know that I miss you all and I will update when things make a bit more sense.
I went and bought a new journal the other day...something I do often and have been taking the time to write out where I was at spiritually before I left for NZ and where I am at now. I'm not contemplating walking away from God...please don't think that. I love Him and I want to become stronger. Unfortunately I have been hurt, which yes we all get hurt, but this is a new kind of hurt for me. So please pray for my heart, for wisdom, for guidance and just to rely on God in figuring things out. I know I will be okay and whilst everything in me wants to worry about others, at this point I have to try to take care of myself first.
On a happy note though, I recently receiving news of something from back home that I have been praying for ages about. I was so excited when I found out that I felt like one part of my heart has been healed and I will continue to pray for God to bless these new happenings back in Charlotte.
On Sunday, I will be turning 24 for anyone who wasn't aware. I can't believe it. I still feel 18 most of the time. Happy Birthday to me!
I should go. Just know that I miss you all and I will update when things make a bit more sense.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Justin Timberlake is going to be downtown! Guess where I'm NOT gonna be
Wow, I haven't updated this in quite a while. I've been here four months now and most days it only feels like two. So what do I have to say about four months abroad? It's definitely an experience. I'm only now to the point where I barely notice the accent anymore and I'm still learning heaps about the culture. I'm really excited about traveling over Christmas, to see some new places and gain more knowledge of these crazy Kiwi's.
I've had thoughts about my trip home as well. There are things I don't look forward to...finding a job, finding a place to live, getting used to being back in the States, etc. However, there are many things I look forward to about returning home...time with my family, seeing my friends, being back at the Charlotte Church.
I made a promise before I came that if I started struggling spiritually, I would go back home. While I'm not on the verge of walking away from God, but I've felt disconnected. I've realized how easy it is to be selfish and I have the ability to do what I want when I want without being held accountable. Yes there is a church here...which I am very grateful for. I'm so thankful that God put it on my heart to go only where there was a sister church, yet it's different. It's nothing against the church, it's just that people back home know where I come from and how I am. The fortunate thing is that I feel like certain aspects of me are changing that needed to change....and I hope that continues.
I say all this because I want people to know that I am fighting to come back different...one who always sticks to her convictions no matter where she is in the world, someone who tries to encourage others no matter what and one who lets go and forgives. God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness. It's amazing to see how my prayers are changing. I don't feel as bitter as I once was towards situations in my past. I also pray for good things to happen to those who walked away from my friendship. I still have a long way to go, but to feel God heal my heart slowly is such a comfort.
Coming back to Charlotte won't be easy. In two years of being a disciple, I hurt people, held grudges and was completely selfish. I will always struggle to be selfless but I want to come back a compassionate, forgiving loving woman of God.
The situations I have found myself in whilst abroad have been real faithbuilders. I can't go into detail on all of them, but I needed this. Right now, I'm not sure when I'll be coming back to Charlotte. It could be March or it could be June. Either way, I want to come back when I've learned everything that God wants me to learn and I want to have grown in every way possible.
So if you've been wondering what I've been up to, I've been having fun, working heaps and growing in my relationship with God. I have no idea if any of this makes sense to people back home, but it had to be said. I haven't been ignoring this page or anything. I just need to be more consistent in updating it. :)
Send me an email if you wish to chat. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Until next time...this crazy wannabe Kiwi (for a year anyway!) is signing off.
I've had thoughts about my trip home as well. There are things I don't look forward to...finding a job, finding a place to live, getting used to being back in the States, etc. However, there are many things I look forward to about returning home...time with my family, seeing my friends, being back at the Charlotte Church.
I made a promise before I came that if I started struggling spiritually, I would go back home. While I'm not on the verge of walking away from God, but I've felt disconnected. I've realized how easy it is to be selfish and I have the ability to do what I want when I want without being held accountable. Yes there is a church here...which I am very grateful for. I'm so thankful that God put it on my heart to go only where there was a sister church, yet it's different. It's nothing against the church, it's just that people back home know where I come from and how I am. The fortunate thing is that I feel like certain aspects of me are changing that needed to change....and I hope that continues.
I say all this because I want people to know that I am fighting to come back different...one who always sticks to her convictions no matter where she is in the world, someone who tries to encourage others no matter what and one who lets go and forgives. God has been teaching me a lot about forgiveness. It's amazing to see how my prayers are changing. I don't feel as bitter as I once was towards situations in my past. I also pray for good things to happen to those who walked away from my friendship. I still have a long way to go, but to feel God heal my heart slowly is such a comfort.
Coming back to Charlotte won't be easy. In two years of being a disciple, I hurt people, held grudges and was completely selfish. I will always struggle to be selfless but I want to come back a compassionate, forgiving loving woman of God.
The situations I have found myself in whilst abroad have been real faithbuilders. I can't go into detail on all of them, but I needed this. Right now, I'm not sure when I'll be coming back to Charlotte. It could be March or it could be June. Either way, I want to come back when I've learned everything that God wants me to learn and I want to have grown in every way possible.
So if you've been wondering what I've been up to, I've been having fun, working heaps and growing in my relationship with God. I have no idea if any of this makes sense to people back home, but it had to be said. I haven't been ignoring this page or anything. I just need to be more consistent in updating it. :)
Send me an email if you wish to chat. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Until next time...this crazy wannabe Kiwi (for a year anyway!) is signing off.
Friday, November 16, 2007
I will gladly call you back?
So I think I have the worst luck ever with anything computer related whilst abroad. Our router is broken and we're sending it off on Monday to get it fixed. It rarely works and when it does, I take full advantage of it (such as right now). So I apoligize for any delays to responding to people. I'm hoping we get a new router in a week. Email me and I will try and check my email at work on my break.
I hope everyone is doing well!
I hope everyone is doing well!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Every girl loves a good mo <~~~ (actual advertisement)
What have I been up to lately? Well, I've been sick and it's been loads of fun. Actually, I think I'm on my second cold right now because my symptoms are completely different from last week. I went home from work early on Wednesday and didn't go in at all on Thursday. I was feeling like a whole new person on Friday, but Saturday I woke up and had a raspy voice and was coughing. Today it's gotten worse.
Being the smart one that I am, I didn't let my cold get in the way of some fun. One of the brothers here who is working abroad like me is going back to Japan on Thursday so for his last weekend here, we went snorkeling.
When Kelly and Mo came to pick me up, Mo informs me that Kelly just had two wisdom teeth pulled. (WHAT?!?!) Anyway, so we drove about an hour and a half to Goat Island. It was quite beautiful but cold! I actually saw a stingray which freaked me out and caused me to scream. Ha ha. I was freezing the whole time and when we finally got out of the water, I think it took an hour to get the feeling back in my toes. I suppose it was dumb to go snorkeling while being sick but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I also tried to keep my ears above the water as much as possible just in case.
Anyway, I am still sick and I need my sleep but I wanted to quickly update to let everyone know I'm still alright. Pray I get well soon so I don't have to miss more work. :)
Being the smart one that I am, I didn't let my cold get in the way of some fun. One of the brothers here who is working abroad like me is going back to Japan on Thursday so for his last weekend here, we went snorkeling.
When Kelly and Mo came to pick me up, Mo informs me that Kelly just had two wisdom teeth pulled. (WHAT?!?!) Anyway, so we drove about an hour and a half to Goat Island. It was quite beautiful but cold! I actually saw a stingray which freaked me out and caused me to scream. Ha ha. I was freezing the whole time and when we finally got out of the water, I think it took an hour to get the feeling back in my toes. I suppose it was dumb to go snorkeling while being sick but I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I also tried to keep my ears above the water as much as possible just in case.
Anyway, I am still sick and I need my sleep but I wanted to quickly update to let everyone know I'm still alright. Pray I get well soon so I don't have to miss more work. :)
I'm Cameron, not Ferris
On our way to Rotorua, we stopped at CandyLand.
Hehe, my dad owns a Nissan dealership here.
Zorbing in Rotorua. Yes I went down this in that sphere twice. It was awesome!
Walter and Stephanie's cats think they own the place.
Chocolate covered fruit and chicken nuggets...what more could a person want?
Friday, October 26, 2007
"I don't understand how to leave a voicemail"
My computer is fixed! I'm back in business. :)
Feel free to send me messages full of love!
Feel free to send me messages full of love!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
CJ
Alrighty, so aside from my computer issues, I've been having a great time here in New Zealand. Last weekend I went to Mt Ruapehu which is about 4 hours from here I think. It's right next to Mt Ngauruhoe (aka Mt Doom in Lord of the Rings).
Friday after work, Fetu came and picked Steph and me up at the house. We knew he was borrowing his work van, but I know I was not expecting the sight I saw when we peeked through the blinds. Wait till I post a picture of this monster....people were literally staring at us as we were driving. Ha ha. We got down there at around 2am I think and woke up quite early to hit the slopes. I was actually going to ski, but the visibility was quite poor. Not only that, but I knew Paulline and John were going to get engaged so I wanted to spend some time with them. A few people did end up skiing, but the rest of us rented sleds and went sledding. This sledding was unlike anything. I was FLYING down the hill a lot faster than I thought I would be. Steph even knocked some kids down. It was so awesome though.
Steph and I later took the ski lift up to go sightseeing and for the first 20 seconds we were up there it was clear...and then visibility was poor again. I managed to snap a couple of shots in those few seconds, but the best part was that when we got to the top, Steph and I had this 45 minute conversation about God that just made the whole weekend complete. It's just amazing...sitting in such a beautiful place, looking at the snow and talking about the most important thing in my life.
That night, all of us went out to dinner while Paulline and John went on a "special" date (where he proposed :)!) and we played pictionary the rest of the night waiting for them to come back. Paulline's ring is beautiful and she looked absolutely amazing. I am so excited for them, and to make things even better, they're thinking of getting married in May so I might not have to miss the wedding!
On Sunday, we had a special communion in our motel room before we checked out. On the way back, we stopped at Huka Falls (pictures to follow sometime in the future haha) and this small town to have lunch. It was just such a nice weekend to get away. I do wish there were more single women here, but I really enjoy being a part of this singles ministry.
This weekend has been an interesting one as well. Friday I finished this incredible book I was reading. 600 pages in about 3 days...I couldn't put it down! It might not sound like an exciting Friday, but if you knew about the crazy week I'd had at work, you would understand. Anyway, on Saturday I was supposed to go to the luge, but life happened and instead I went and saw Rush Hour 3. Now, I really don't enjoy paying $14 for a movie here, but I felt like this one was totally worth it. I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt when I left. Too funny...
Today I went to church and met this guy from South Africa. I was so excited I ran up to him and asked how long he's been a disciple and he said 12 years. I was really hoping he knew Ron and Lavonia, but he had only heard of them. Sigh...it was still cool hearing about how he's moved here and gotten a job in publishing though. Lol.
Tonight we had some people over for a BBQ and I was able to chat with Paulline quite a bit. I love having time with her. She really amazes me and I'm just so glad to have someone like her in my life. I feel like I can tell her anything. She's just so kind and compassionate and really has an amazing heart for God.
This next thought might come as a shock to some of you back home, but I'm nervous and excited and want to share my thoughts. I came here on a mission. I told God I will serve the church in whatever way possible...and I see a need. I want to help with the teen girls. There's only about 4-5 of them, but I'm the closest in age to them. I want to help. I never saw myself becoming a teen leader or anything like that, but I want to be their friend and be available if they need someone to talk to. The thought of helping terrifies me because I've never seen myself as a great leader, but I just keep being drawn back to this time and again. Paulline and I were able to discuss it and I'm meeting with the woman who used to lead the teens on Thursday to start planning a sleepover and lesson with them.
In all honesty, it's easy to become lukewarm while being abroad. I have my goals...places I want to go, things I want to see and do, but where is God is all of that? I came here with the intention to serve and I don't want to let Him down. I can't explain it...I can only hope for your support, prayers and love while I am abroad. Maybe the teens don't need me...maybe I need them more - they're youth and child-like hearts. I'm about to turn 24 and have never been so confused about as I am now. It goes by too fast and I don't want to be selfish. I want to imitate Jesus in every way and I feel He wants me to learn something from all of this. I don't always understand His plans, but He truly is amazing.
Tomorrow I am going to the beach for a BBQ with the church. It's Labour Day here so no work!
It's also what would have been Heather's 21st birthday tomorrow. Some of my old sorority sisters are throwing her a birthday party back home and while I wish I could be there, I plan to keep Heather in my thoughts tomorrow...then again, she's in my thoughts everyday. Oh Heather...I will never understand, but my heart aches for you and the pain you must have felt. I wish I could have a Sonic's drink in memory of her tomorrow. It might not make sense to some that I still hurt and cry over her death. It still feels like yesterday...the sobs and the weeping, things and emotions I'd never experienced before. I wish she knew how much I'd cared...
I suppose I should try to get some sleep now. I knew I needed to update everyone on what's been going on in my life, I just wish I could actually post some pictures. And so I now leave you with a quote I received from someone recently.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." ----Harvey Mackay
Friday after work, Fetu came and picked Steph and me up at the house. We knew he was borrowing his work van, but I know I was not expecting the sight I saw when we peeked through the blinds. Wait till I post a picture of this monster....people were literally staring at us as we were driving. Ha ha. We got down there at around 2am I think and woke up quite early to hit the slopes. I was actually going to ski, but the visibility was quite poor. Not only that, but I knew Paulline and John were going to get engaged so I wanted to spend some time with them. A few people did end up skiing, but the rest of us rented sleds and went sledding. This sledding was unlike anything. I was FLYING down the hill a lot faster than I thought I would be. Steph even knocked some kids down. It was so awesome though.
Steph and I later took the ski lift up to go sightseeing and for the first 20 seconds we were up there it was clear...and then visibility was poor again. I managed to snap a couple of shots in those few seconds, but the best part was that when we got to the top, Steph and I had this 45 minute conversation about God that just made the whole weekend complete. It's just amazing...sitting in such a beautiful place, looking at the snow and talking about the most important thing in my life.
That night, all of us went out to dinner while Paulline and John went on a "special" date (where he proposed :)!) and we played pictionary the rest of the night waiting for them to come back. Paulline's ring is beautiful and she looked absolutely amazing. I am so excited for them, and to make things even better, they're thinking of getting married in May so I might not have to miss the wedding!
On Sunday, we had a special communion in our motel room before we checked out. On the way back, we stopped at Huka Falls (pictures to follow sometime in the future haha) and this small town to have lunch. It was just such a nice weekend to get away. I do wish there were more single women here, but I really enjoy being a part of this singles ministry.
This weekend has been an interesting one as well. Friday I finished this incredible book I was reading. 600 pages in about 3 days...I couldn't put it down! It might not sound like an exciting Friday, but if you knew about the crazy week I'd had at work, you would understand. Anyway, on Saturday I was supposed to go to the luge, but life happened and instead I went and saw Rush Hour 3. Now, I really don't enjoy paying $14 for a movie here, but I felt like this one was totally worth it. I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt when I left. Too funny...
Today I went to church and met this guy from South Africa. I was so excited I ran up to him and asked how long he's been a disciple and he said 12 years. I was really hoping he knew Ron and Lavonia, but he had only heard of them. Sigh...it was still cool hearing about how he's moved here and gotten a job in publishing though. Lol.
Tonight we had some people over for a BBQ and I was able to chat with Paulline quite a bit. I love having time with her. She really amazes me and I'm just so glad to have someone like her in my life. I feel like I can tell her anything. She's just so kind and compassionate and really has an amazing heart for God.
This next thought might come as a shock to some of you back home, but I'm nervous and excited and want to share my thoughts. I came here on a mission. I told God I will serve the church in whatever way possible...and I see a need. I want to help with the teen girls. There's only about 4-5 of them, but I'm the closest in age to them. I want to help. I never saw myself becoming a teen leader or anything like that, but I want to be their friend and be available if they need someone to talk to. The thought of helping terrifies me because I've never seen myself as a great leader, but I just keep being drawn back to this time and again. Paulline and I were able to discuss it and I'm meeting with the woman who used to lead the teens on Thursday to start planning a sleepover and lesson with them.
In all honesty, it's easy to become lukewarm while being abroad. I have my goals...places I want to go, things I want to see and do, but where is God is all of that? I came here with the intention to serve and I don't want to let Him down. I can't explain it...I can only hope for your support, prayers and love while I am abroad. Maybe the teens don't need me...maybe I need them more - they're youth and child-like hearts. I'm about to turn 24 and have never been so confused about as I am now. It goes by too fast and I don't want to be selfish. I want to imitate Jesus in every way and I feel He wants me to learn something from all of this. I don't always understand His plans, but He truly is amazing.
Tomorrow I am going to the beach for a BBQ with the church. It's Labour Day here so no work!
It's also what would have been Heather's 21st birthday tomorrow. Some of my old sorority sisters are throwing her a birthday party back home and while I wish I could be there, I plan to keep Heather in my thoughts tomorrow...then again, she's in my thoughts everyday. Oh Heather...I will never understand, but my heart aches for you and the pain you must have felt. I wish I could have a Sonic's drink in memory of her tomorrow. It might not make sense to some that I still hurt and cry over her death. It still feels like yesterday...the sobs and the weeping, things and emotions I'd never experienced before. I wish she knew how much I'd cared...
I suppose I should try to get some sleep now. I knew I needed to update everyone on what's been going on in my life, I just wish I could actually post some pictures. And so I now leave you with a quote I received from someone recently.
"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it." ----Harvey Mackay
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Why do fire extinguishers weigh so much?
My computer is still broken. The HDD is failing so they've ordered new parts. It's only a little over a year old, so hopefully most of it will be covered under warranty. Anyway, it's a complete bummer to be without my mini laptop, but I'm hoping they will get it fixed and sent back to me SOON! At any rate, I miss you all and hope to catch up this week. :)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I can't hear you when you push the button
My computer is currently broken and I'm having to take it someplace to have it looked at. I will try to update soon! I have so many pics I want to put up. :)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
You stole my FUNDA!
For anyone who is wondering why I haven't been keeping in touch, it's been rather busy...and my computer crashed. Someone was able to fix it but it's still not working as well as it should. Hopefully this weekend another person can have a look at it.
Life's been going well here in Auckland. I went to Rotorua last weekend with Walter and Stephanie and had such a great time...I really can't wait to go back. We started our Saturday off getting up early since it was a three hour drive. On the way there, we stopped at this candy store called Candyland. Wait till you see the pictures. After that, we went zorbing...or rather, Walter and I did. Stephanie did a fantastic job taping it though. Zorbing is this giant plastic ball you get in to with water in it...then they roll you down this huge hill. It was so much fun. I will try to post the video but seeing as how my computer is under the weather, that might have to wait. We also went to a park and then ended the day at a Polynesian Spa. It was such a great day. Rotorua is my new favorite place. :)
Other than that, I've just been working and thinking about my spirituality. The other night I actually had a dream about two people who used to be a part of my life. I was so angry at them in my dream that when I woke up, I was sad that I felt that way. I know there will always be people who come and go out of my life, but I never expected it to be them. I think what bothers me the most is that I still care. Honestly, I don't want to care. Everything in me wants to forget one of them was ever part of my life...yet that is impossible.
I think the reason I'm so angry about it is that they don't care. They haven't in such a long time and I wish I could be just like that. Ignore the past, focus on the future and not acknowledge what those friendships once were. Unfortunately I don't operate that way. I am a complicated individual and I can't get over this. I know this must be getting so old to the people who have heard me struggle with this over the past year, but it still haunts me. I never wanted to give up. I felt like I did everything I could...and yet, I'm the only one left caring. I'm a disciple of Christ and wish I could face my Judas the way Jesus did.
Jesus is truly amazing, eh? He washed Judas' feet knowing full well he was to betray him. How do I learn to wash the feet of those who hurt me and love them despite the ways I've been treated? I didn't come to New Zealand planning to struggle with this...actually I never planned for this past year to be the way it was, but God has taught me a great deal.
All I can say is that while I never wanted to spend my time abroad thinking of the problems I left behind, God wants me to face them...why else would I be dreaming about them? As frustrating as it is, I want to get past all this. What would happen if I had to face my Judas again? I have a year to heal, a year to mourn, a year to forgive and learn to love again...and I must succeed. Life is too short and I will have to face God one day. I don't want to hurt him and I obviously want to go to heaven. I'm even annoyed that I've written this blog, that I still waste time thinking about this situation, but there's something I haven't learned yet.
If only I could figure it out...
Prayer. Patience. Persistence.
I feel like such a loser. I wish I didn't care. Yet I do. Sigh.
Life's been going well here in Auckland. I went to Rotorua last weekend with Walter and Stephanie and had such a great time...I really can't wait to go back. We started our Saturday off getting up early since it was a three hour drive. On the way there, we stopped at this candy store called Candyland. Wait till you see the pictures. After that, we went zorbing...or rather, Walter and I did. Stephanie did a fantastic job taping it though. Zorbing is this giant plastic ball you get in to with water in it...then they roll you down this huge hill. It was so much fun. I will try to post the video but seeing as how my computer is under the weather, that might have to wait. We also went to a park and then ended the day at a Polynesian Spa. It was such a great day. Rotorua is my new favorite place. :)
Other than that, I've just been working and thinking about my spirituality. The other night I actually had a dream about two people who used to be a part of my life. I was so angry at them in my dream that when I woke up, I was sad that I felt that way. I know there will always be people who come and go out of my life, but I never expected it to be them. I think what bothers me the most is that I still care. Honestly, I don't want to care. Everything in me wants to forget one of them was ever part of my life...yet that is impossible.
I think the reason I'm so angry about it is that they don't care. They haven't in such a long time and I wish I could be just like that. Ignore the past, focus on the future and not acknowledge what those friendships once were. Unfortunately I don't operate that way. I am a complicated individual and I can't get over this. I know this must be getting so old to the people who have heard me struggle with this over the past year, but it still haunts me. I never wanted to give up. I felt like I did everything I could...and yet, I'm the only one left caring. I'm a disciple of Christ and wish I could face my Judas the way Jesus did.
Jesus is truly amazing, eh? He washed Judas' feet knowing full well he was to betray him. How do I learn to wash the feet of those who hurt me and love them despite the ways I've been treated? I didn't come to New Zealand planning to struggle with this...actually I never planned for this past year to be the way it was, but God has taught me a great deal.
All I can say is that while I never wanted to spend my time abroad thinking of the problems I left behind, God wants me to face them...why else would I be dreaming about them? As frustrating as it is, I want to get past all this. What would happen if I had to face my Judas again? I have a year to heal, a year to mourn, a year to forgive and learn to love again...and I must succeed. Life is too short and I will have to face God one day. I don't want to hurt him and I obviously want to go to heaven. I'm even annoyed that I've written this blog, that I still waste time thinking about this situation, but there's something I haven't learned yet.
If only I could figure it out...
Prayer. Patience. Persistence.
I feel like such a loser. I wish I didn't care. Yet I do. Sigh.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Chalk and Cheese
There were two more things I wanted to mention, but I feel they both need their own blog entry.
First off, Brandon's brother has left for Iraq. It doesn't seem real to me that we're sending 18 and 19 year old kids over there. Are we really doing that?
I think back to 9/11 and how people just wanted revenge. It seems so long ago. I heard about all the protesters back there and still am amazed at how Bush continues to compare this war to Vietnam. I really don't want to start a debate on here (heaven forbid someone like Isaac reads it and tears apart my argument).
It was just a thought...to write an entry reminding people to pray for those over there and for those who have been affected by it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The second thing I wanted to mention is that it's been six months since Heather died.
Six months.
It feels like yesterday. I still regret we weren't as close the last year she was alive, but the memories and her hugs are still so real to me.
So much has happened in these past six months. I've learned about true friendship, grief, regret and what it means to weep.
I actually had a dream about Heather not too long ago and wept some more when I woke up just happy to have the chance to see her again. I wish I could have told her all about New Zealand. Then again, I wish I could just understand why.
Heather Brink...There are no words to describe how much you're missed.
First off, Brandon's brother has left for Iraq. It doesn't seem real to me that we're sending 18 and 19 year old kids over there. Are we really doing that?
I think back to 9/11 and how people just wanted revenge. It seems so long ago. I heard about all the protesters back there and still am amazed at how Bush continues to compare this war to Vietnam. I really don't want to start a debate on here (heaven forbid someone like Isaac reads it and tears apart my argument).
It was just a thought...to write an entry reminding people to pray for those over there and for those who have been affected by it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The second thing I wanted to mention is that it's been six months since Heather died.
Six months.
It feels like yesterday. I still regret we weren't as close the last year she was alive, but the memories and her hugs are still so real to me.
So much has happened in these past six months. I've learned about true friendship, grief, regret and what it means to weep.
I actually had a dream about Heather not too long ago and wept some more when I woke up just happy to have the chance to see her again. I wish I could have told her all about New Zealand. Then again, I wish I could just understand why.
Heather Brink...There are no words to describe how much you're missed.
I love you donut lady
Work was quite hectic this week. I really like my job though, so it hasn't been bad. I keep telling everyone that my souvenir to take back with me will be carpal tunnel.
It still hasn't exactly hit me that I've graduated. I'm really enjoying the extra time to hang out, plan trips and read. I miss school sometimes as strange as it sounds. It's all I've known for five years and while I look forward to getting into my field next year, I'm going to miss it. Strange.
Auckland truly amazes me. I suppose it's quite similar to any other large city, but I still find myself fascinated by it as I walk to and from the train. I really love it when I have to take a walk to the court house or someplace for work. It allows me a chance to enjoy my new favorite hobby: People watching. Actually, I think I've always enjoyed watching strangers around me, but I've really seen some interesting sights.
For example, one day I was on the train when this man sat down. It didn't take long for me to notice him as he was wearing a black and white plaid suit (jacket and pants), purple socks and brown shoes. For a man in his 60's, I give him props for being so bold yet I found myself laughing and imagining what Nicole, Erin or Heather's response would be.
Another time I was walking around during my lunch break when I saw a Smart Car. Now I've seen these several times in Germany and to this day still get a kick out of seeing them here, but this one was special. It obviously was being used to advertise as it had 6 LARGE speakers attached to the top of it playing some unheard of music. I suppose this may only have been amusing to me, but I was amazed the speakers even fit on that car.
Ah, the things I see.
I recently got a haircut and while it's not the worst I've ever had, I think it comes in second place. Now I know this is not typical in NZ because I've asked a few people, but the woman who cut my hair would use the comb and cut ABOVE it. She told me she was only going to take off a half an inch and it turned out to be more like four. Sigh.. at least my hair will grow.
New Zealand has proven itself to be more expensive than I would have expected. I went to buy new mascara recently and was stunned to find out a cheap US$7 tube would cost NZ$20!
Speaking of differences, my parents sent me a care package. They told me to open it at work because a few items were to be kept at work. I opened it to find an extra large bag of peanut m&ms that weighed around 42oz or something. You can imagine my surprise when I turned around and three of my workmates were holding their camera phones taking a picture to send to their friends. And we wonder why Americans are overweight. Haha.
After a long week at work, we had a singles and teens night on Friday. One of the tern's brought her scrapbook of her trip to the South Island. I was completely blown away and wish that February would get faster.
I realize there are people who think it's dumb for me to be staying in Auckland the majority of my time here. I would have to agree on some level as I want to see as much of NZ as possible, but I understand part of why God wants me here and I want to live His plan, not mine. I get myself into too much trouble when I try to do things my way. So to everyone who thinks I might be wasting time or something, I have faith and I trust that God is planning something great for me. I have to trust that...it's the only way I stay sane. :)
Well, I think it might be time to sign off. After celebrating Dylan's first birthday and lying around reading all day, I'm tired. I hope everyone is doing well!
It still hasn't exactly hit me that I've graduated. I'm really enjoying the extra time to hang out, plan trips and read. I miss school sometimes as strange as it sounds. It's all I've known for five years and while I look forward to getting into my field next year, I'm going to miss it. Strange.
Auckland truly amazes me. I suppose it's quite similar to any other large city, but I still find myself fascinated by it as I walk to and from the train. I really love it when I have to take a walk to the court house or someplace for work. It allows me a chance to enjoy my new favorite hobby: People watching. Actually, I think I've always enjoyed watching strangers around me, but I've really seen some interesting sights.
For example, one day I was on the train when this man sat down. It didn't take long for me to notice him as he was wearing a black and white plaid suit (jacket and pants), purple socks and brown shoes. For a man in his 60's, I give him props for being so bold yet I found myself laughing and imagining what Nicole, Erin or Heather's response would be.
Another time I was walking around during my lunch break when I saw a Smart Car. Now I've seen these several times in Germany and to this day still get a kick out of seeing them here, but this one was special. It obviously was being used to advertise as it had 6 LARGE speakers attached to the top of it playing some unheard of music. I suppose this may only have been amusing to me, but I was amazed the speakers even fit on that car.
Ah, the things I see.
I recently got a haircut and while it's not the worst I've ever had, I think it comes in second place. Now I know this is not typical in NZ because I've asked a few people, but the woman who cut my hair would use the comb and cut ABOVE it. She told me she was only going to take off a half an inch and it turned out to be more like four. Sigh.. at least my hair will grow.
New Zealand has proven itself to be more expensive than I would have expected. I went to buy new mascara recently and was stunned to find out a cheap US$7 tube would cost NZ$20!
Speaking of differences, my parents sent me a care package. They told me to open it at work because a few items were to be kept at work. I opened it to find an extra large bag of peanut m&ms that weighed around 42oz or something. You can imagine my surprise when I turned around and three of my workmates were holding their camera phones taking a picture to send to their friends. And we wonder why Americans are overweight. Haha.
After a long week at work, we had a singles and teens night on Friday. One of the tern's brought her scrapbook of her trip to the South Island. I was completely blown away and wish that February would get faster.
I realize there are people who think it's dumb for me to be staying in Auckland the majority of my time here. I would have to agree on some level as I want to see as much of NZ as possible, but I understand part of why God wants me here and I want to live His plan, not mine. I get myself into too much trouble when I try to do things my way. So to everyone who thinks I might be wasting time or something, I have faith and I trust that God is planning something great for me. I have to trust that...it's the only way I stay sane. :)
Well, I think it might be time to sign off. After celebrating Dylan's first birthday and lying around reading all day, I'm tired. I hope everyone is doing well!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Why have a party with socks?
My spiritual birthday was fabulous. At lunch time, I went to the park across the street and started writing. It was a great day. The sky was such a bright blue and although it was about 60 degrees, the palm tree I was sitting under made it seem a lot warmer.
On Saturday, I went with a few others to this place called Tree Adventures. We would attach ourselves to zip lines/fly foxes and work through different obstacles. Check out the pictures and videos below. It was such a blast!
Practice run...
I decided to take some dirt home as a sovenir.
The 6 of us that went...
On Saturday, I went with a few others to this place called Tree Adventures. We would attach ourselves to zip lines/fly foxes and work through different obstacles. Check out the pictures and videos below. It was such a blast!
Practice run...
I decided to take some dirt home as a sovenir.
The 6 of us that went...
Above is a video of me crashing into the ground. This was so much fun! I really want to go back. :)
Here I am surfing...this was one of my favorite parts.
This video cracks me up!!! Good try Tyler.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Heaps
I really like my job at the law firm...the only downfall is that I'm exhausted when I get home. I really think I've just been stressing myself out in trying to be perfect so when I make a mistake I get frustrated. I've spent some time praying about this too...that I'll just hand it over to God and stop trying to be the best for man. I want to do my best for God, even while at work.
I heard a really great lesson at church today. The point was made that when people wrong us, we're quick to point a finger, but when we're wrong, we are quick to justify and not admit our wrongdoings. So as I think about this whole abandonment issue, I admit I was not perfect. God knows where I messed up and I've prayed a lot about just moving on.
Two years ago, I found God. These past two years have been hard, and I know there are harder ones to come, but I don't regret my decision. Oh yes...I have made mistakes, learned a lot, been abandoned and hurt, experienced happy emotional tears and my heart still yearns for God. This fight has only begun and it will be interesting to see where I am at in two years.
After my last post, a sister in Charlotte wrote me this long email that encouraged my soul beyond words. She explained that I haven't lost my fire, it's only grown...and I'm now on this whole new level. She even sent me a list of ways she's seen me grow. One thing mentioned that I found funny was serving by doing a brother's laundry. It's funny though b/c when I did it, I never thought of it being an inconvience...or serving. The two she listed that made me think was how I turn to God more in rough/interesting situations (loosing a friend, coming to NZ, etc) and how I'm very caring about the spiritual well-being of others.
I consider the last two exactly what I needed to hear. It's not always easy going to God first. I'm not exactly sure how I made the decision when I got baptized to make a year vow to God to not date anyone, but I'm glad I did it. I needed to learn to focus on Him and always put Him first. Someone recently told me that it's easier to be single because you're able to focus on God first and not worry about someone else. I suppose there is some truth to that, but as long as the other person is aiming towards the same goal, I can only hope and pray that I fight to put Him first always.
I considered caring about the spiritual well-being of others to be a curse this year. It saddens me that I let this one situation allow me to feel as if I shouldn't care, especially if it's going to turn someone against me. I stand corrected. God placed certain convictions on my heart that I hope I live by until I die. It is who I am...it is how He is refining me.
To this sister, I thank her for her email. To everyone reading this, I am happy to be celebrating my 2nd birthday this week. I will continue to fight, learn and love. It is when I no longer focus on God that I do not recognize myself. He is my rock and I can do nothing without him. I pray God continues to soften my heart and allow me to learn as much as I can while I'm abroad. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to check in on me. Please feel free to leave or email prayer requests because while I may be far away, prayer is powerful and I want to help in any way possible.
::Singing Someday::
I heard a really great lesson at church today. The point was made that when people wrong us, we're quick to point a finger, but when we're wrong, we are quick to justify and not admit our wrongdoings. So as I think about this whole abandonment issue, I admit I was not perfect. God knows where I messed up and I've prayed a lot about just moving on.
Two years ago, I found God. These past two years have been hard, and I know there are harder ones to come, but I don't regret my decision. Oh yes...I have made mistakes, learned a lot, been abandoned and hurt, experienced happy emotional tears and my heart still yearns for God. This fight has only begun and it will be interesting to see where I am at in two years.
After my last post, a sister in Charlotte wrote me this long email that encouraged my soul beyond words. She explained that I haven't lost my fire, it's only grown...and I'm now on this whole new level. She even sent me a list of ways she's seen me grow. One thing mentioned that I found funny was serving by doing a brother's laundry. It's funny though b/c when I did it, I never thought of it being an inconvience...or serving. The two she listed that made me think was how I turn to God more in rough/interesting situations (loosing a friend, coming to NZ, etc) and how I'm very caring about the spiritual well-being of others.
I consider the last two exactly what I needed to hear. It's not always easy going to God first. I'm not exactly sure how I made the decision when I got baptized to make a year vow to God to not date anyone, but I'm glad I did it. I needed to learn to focus on Him and always put Him first. Someone recently told me that it's easier to be single because you're able to focus on God first and not worry about someone else. I suppose there is some truth to that, but as long as the other person is aiming towards the same goal, I can only hope and pray that I fight to put Him first always.
I considered caring about the spiritual well-being of others to be a curse this year. It saddens me that I let this one situation allow me to feel as if I shouldn't care, especially if it's going to turn someone against me. I stand corrected. God placed certain convictions on my heart that I hope I live by until I die. It is who I am...it is how He is refining me.
To this sister, I thank her for her email. To everyone reading this, I am happy to be celebrating my 2nd birthday this week. I will continue to fight, learn and love. It is when I no longer focus on God that I do not recognize myself. He is my rock and I can do nothing without him. I pray God continues to soften my heart and allow me to learn as much as I can while I'm abroad. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to check in on me. Please feel free to leave or email prayer requests because while I may be far away, prayer is powerful and I want to help in any way possible.
::Singing Someday::
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Tyres
Since I've been working so much lately, I haven't taken the time to put up pictures. Here are a few from the past couple of weeks or so.
Sheep (or sheeps as Mo says)
This picture was taking on our way to go plant trees. It was so unbelievably green and beautiful.
The coffee mug given to me my first day at work. :)
My first experience at a Korean BBQ. I bet everyone thought I was special when I told them I'd never been somewhere that required me to pay to cook my own food like this.
Some of the disciples here in Auckland...William, Stephanie and Sam.
Me! (on one of the many volcanoes)
Sam, Mo and I freezing on top of Mt Eden I believe.
This small beach seemed to just come out of nowhere...
John and Paulline. Paulline and I try to get lunch together every Monday at the Knuckle Sandwich. :)
Apparently there used to be a tree here, but someone cut it down out. So now, One Tree Hill can be referred to as None Tree Hill. Ha ha.
Sheep (or sheeps as Mo says)
This picture was taking on our way to go plant trees. It was so unbelievably green and beautiful.
The coffee mug given to me my first day at work. :)
My first experience at a Korean BBQ. I bet everyone thought I was special when I told them I'd never been somewhere that required me to pay to cook my own food like this.
Some of the disciples here in Auckland...William, Stephanie and Sam.
Me! (on one of the many volcanoes)
Sam, Mo and I freezing on top of Mt Eden I believe.
This small beach seemed to just come out of nowhere...
John and Paulline. Paulline and I try to get lunch together every Monday at the Knuckle Sandwich. :)
Apparently there used to be a tree here, but someone cut it down out. So now, One Tree Hill can be referred to as None Tree Hill. Ha ha.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Pram
Does time heal all wounds? I've been giving this some thought recently. I want to believe it. I want it to be true. But yet...I still doubt.
Someone recently wrote to me and told me that my last blog sounded depressing. While I understand and appreciate their concern, I know that I can sound pessimistic at times when I'm really only trying to convey my deepest feelings.
I'm coming up on my second year as a disciple. In about 12 days I will be two, and while it's already been a long journey, I can only imagine what the next two years will be like. I love being a disciple. I love meeting my brothers and sisters around the world and really feeling how big and how real this truly is. I can't help but think back to where I was two years ago...so young and so alive...so passionate and on fire. It saddens me to think how the world and old friendships have taken a toll on me. I compare myself to where I was two years ago and am convicted. I wasn't afraid of the future. I knew I'd always have God by my side. My love for God was anything but transparent.
I saw the movie Amazing Grace last night and was quite impressed. Even at $14, the movie was well worth it. I keep thinking back to this scene where the main character goes to his garden and just sits on the wet grass and talks to God. He states that he would rather be spending his time there than pursuing his career. Of course these scene brings thoughts and questions up. Am I making every effort? I don't expect this blog to benefit anyone aside from myself at this point. I just know that writing my feelings and forcing myself to be vulnerable is the only way I grasp the confused jumbled thoughts in my head.
Well, it is quite late here and I need to get some sleep before church tomorrow. Don't be surprised if I write more of my thoughts as it comes closer to 13 September. Life is confusing...this much I know. And I am one confused individual. For now, I think I'll go rest my busy mind and prepare myself for another full day of thoughts.
Someone recently wrote to me and told me that my last blog sounded depressing. While I understand and appreciate their concern, I know that I can sound pessimistic at times when I'm really only trying to convey my deepest feelings.
I'm coming up on my second year as a disciple. In about 12 days I will be two, and while it's already been a long journey, I can only imagine what the next two years will be like. I love being a disciple. I love meeting my brothers and sisters around the world and really feeling how big and how real this truly is. I can't help but think back to where I was two years ago...so young and so alive...so passionate and on fire. It saddens me to think how the world and old friendships have taken a toll on me. I compare myself to where I was two years ago and am convicted. I wasn't afraid of the future. I knew I'd always have God by my side. My love for God was anything but transparent.
I saw the movie Amazing Grace last night and was quite impressed. Even at $14, the movie was well worth it. I keep thinking back to this scene where the main character goes to his garden and just sits on the wet grass and talks to God. He states that he would rather be spending his time there than pursuing his career. Of course these scene brings thoughts and questions up. Am I making every effort? I don't expect this blog to benefit anyone aside from myself at this point. I just know that writing my feelings and forcing myself to be vulnerable is the only way I grasp the confused jumbled thoughts in my head.
Well, it is quite late here and I need to get some sleep before church tomorrow. Don't be surprised if I write more of my thoughts as it comes closer to 13 September. Life is confusing...this much I know. And I am one confused individual. For now, I think I'll go rest my busy mind and prepare myself for another full day of thoughts.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Jewellery
I had two people ask me if I was suffering from a case of the Monday's today. I suppose I was. Both of the attorney's I work for were out of the office, and I was answering the phone and updating files. I have a feeling I'll be bombarded with things to do tomorrow since they'll probably both be playing catch up. It's cool though. I really like the office I work in. Everyone is so nice and even though I don't have a window, I can enjoy the view of the Skytower from my boss's office or in the bathroom (yes, you read that correctly). The company provides coffee, tea, crackers, cookies and cheese. I've really been enjoying my 20 minute morning tea (cheese and crackers are my new favorite snack!). I also get an hour lunch break, which in a way can be a bad thing as I'm downtown in the middle of a thousand shops.
I'm still reading Captivating. I'm trying to take my time through it because there is so much in it. Just today I was reading about how Jesus romances me. I've begun to realize that I'm not making enough of a sacrifice to pray. I'm normally running late in the morning (I catch the 6:55 train) and I attempt to pray on the train, but it's just too distracting. Ironically, Stephanie just asked me if I wanted to start praying with her some mornings. She catches the trian that leaves 5 minutes before mine, so I'm hoping that this will help me become more disciplined. Stupid snooze button.
I only write things about my spiritual walk because I know it's the only way anyone back home will know what's going on with me. It is too easy to pretend things are fine, give the right answers and never really let anyone know what's really going on. I don't want to be like that. I want to be vulnerable. I want you all to know what I'm feeling and where I'm at with God.
I've been giving a lot of thought about my walk with God. If I don't have a decent quiet time, I can tell. Something's definitely missing, but it doesn't mean I'm any less of a Christian. I think so often if I mess up, I blame myself and think I'm failing. I believe that if I can start looking at this on a more positive note, I won't feel as if I can't go to God since I've screwed up. Maybe my brain works differently from some, but that's how I work.
Well, I think I am going to go research some more places I want to go to in NZ. I'm going to try and plan some weekend trips soon now that I have a job. I still need to post some more pics. I'm such a slacker!
I hope everyone is doing well!
I'm still reading Captivating. I'm trying to take my time through it because there is so much in it. Just today I was reading about how Jesus romances me. I've begun to realize that I'm not making enough of a sacrifice to pray. I'm normally running late in the morning (I catch the 6:55 train) and I attempt to pray on the train, but it's just too distracting. Ironically, Stephanie just asked me if I wanted to start praying with her some mornings. She catches the trian that leaves 5 minutes before mine, so I'm hoping that this will help me become more disciplined. Stupid snooze button.
I only write things about my spiritual walk because I know it's the only way anyone back home will know what's going on with me. It is too easy to pretend things are fine, give the right answers and never really let anyone know what's really going on. I don't want to be like that. I want to be vulnerable. I want you all to know what I'm feeling and where I'm at with God.
I've been giving a lot of thought about my walk with God. If I don't have a decent quiet time, I can tell. Something's definitely missing, but it doesn't mean I'm any less of a Christian. I think so often if I mess up, I blame myself and think I'm failing. I believe that if I can start looking at this on a more positive note, I won't feel as if I can't go to God since I've screwed up. Maybe my brain works differently from some, but that's how I work.
Well, I think I am going to go research some more places I want to go to in NZ. I'm going to try and plan some weekend trips soon now that I have a job. I still need to post some more pics. I'm such a slacker!
I hope everyone is doing well!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Chattels
My dad had knee replacement surgery today on both legs today. I'm so glad it went well. I know it will be painful in the beginning, but hopefully it will be worth it. It sucks being so far away b/c I would have liked to have been there to help out, but I'm glad he has my mom and brother to help him through the healing process.
Lately I've been reading the book Captivating with a couple of sisters here in Auckland. I've been wanting to read this book for a while, and now I've finally gotten the chance. It's quite an interesting book about a woman's heart, her struggles and biggest fears. Today I realized something I've been waiting for.
"Not only do most women fear they will ulimately be abandoned by the men in their lives-they fear it from other women as well. That they will be abandoned by their friends, and left alone. It's time to reveal this passive threat, this crippling fear, this terrible lie."
It finally dawned on me. I finally know this bitterness in my heart. Abandonment. It's the reason I struggle to fogive. It seems so simple and I can't believe I didn't realize it before. I am terrified of being abandoned and yet, I know what it feels like. The moment I realized it, I had this image in my head of my heart beginning to mend. I understand it takes time, but I've been praying for God to reveal to me what I need to know to move past this point in my life. Yes, it hurts to feel this way, but I know Satan will continue to tell me lies. Lies that he hopes will stop me from befriending others and being open, loving and trusting as I once was. I refuse to let that happen.
This book also describes how Satan has had a hand in filling women with self-doubt in order to prevent ones restoration.
"For this is what he fears. He fears who you are; what you are; what you might become."
Later, it also says, "You are passionately loved by the God of the universe. You are passionately hated by his Enemy."
It's all beginning to make sense now. I might have been abandoned, but God will never abandon me. He is my best friend, my confident, my Father. I needed to be abandoned. I needed to learn these lessons. I'm still healing, but I hope to one day face the problem and walk away leaning on God and thanking him for this difficult situation.
Who knows what will happen from here? All I can do is continue to pray for help in letting go of the bitterness and pray sincerely for everyone. This is the last thing I want to deal with while in this beautiful country, but I'm beginning to understand that's part of the reason I'm here.
My work in New Zealand is just beginning.
Lately I've been reading the book Captivating with a couple of sisters here in Auckland. I've been wanting to read this book for a while, and now I've finally gotten the chance. It's quite an interesting book about a woman's heart, her struggles and biggest fears. Today I realized something I've been waiting for.
"Not only do most women fear they will ulimately be abandoned by the men in their lives-they fear it from other women as well. That they will be abandoned by their friends, and left alone. It's time to reveal this passive threat, this crippling fear, this terrible lie."
It finally dawned on me. I finally know this bitterness in my heart. Abandonment. It's the reason I struggle to fogive. It seems so simple and I can't believe I didn't realize it before. I am terrified of being abandoned and yet, I know what it feels like. The moment I realized it, I had this image in my head of my heart beginning to mend. I understand it takes time, but I've been praying for God to reveal to me what I need to know to move past this point in my life. Yes, it hurts to feel this way, but I know Satan will continue to tell me lies. Lies that he hopes will stop me from befriending others and being open, loving and trusting as I once was. I refuse to let that happen.
This book also describes how Satan has had a hand in filling women with self-doubt in order to prevent ones restoration.
"For this is what he fears. He fears who you are; what you are; what you might become."
Later, it also says, "You are passionately loved by the God of the universe. You are passionately hated by his Enemy."
It's all beginning to make sense now. I might have been abandoned, but God will never abandon me. He is my best friend, my confident, my Father. I needed to be abandoned. I needed to learn these lessons. I'm still healing, but I hope to one day face the problem and walk away leaning on God and thanking him for this difficult situation.
Who knows what will happen from here? All I can do is continue to pray for help in letting go of the bitterness and pray sincerely for everyone. This is the last thing I want to deal with while in this beautiful country, but I'm beginning to understand that's part of the reason I'm here.
My work in New Zealand is just beginning.
Monday, August 20, 2007
boy racer
I accepted the job at the law firm and started today. I was so excited when I arrived and found out one of the attorney's I'm a PA for bought me a gift! It was my very own coffee mug. Kiwi's are quite obsessed with tea and coffee and my workmates are possessive about their mugs. It's a very unique mug too...I've never seen one like it. I'm not sure I can explain it, but it sits partially on it's handle.
The day went by rather quickly. My brain was on complete overload by the time I left, but the attorneys are very organized/organised and I like that I have my own cubicle. And no, I didn't have a case of the Mondays today. :)
The best part of the job is that they're giving me the month of February off to go and travel. :) YAY! To the south island!
Oh, I didn't get a chance to write about my adventure on Saturday. A big group of us from the church drove way out in the wops to plant trees. As I stood with a spade in my hand, overlooking the beautiful green hills full of white balls of fluff (aka sheep), I realized I am not made for the country.
Seriously though, it was so beautiful, even though it was raining, the scenery looked like a painting. I will have to post pictures, but I'm way too tired to do so now.
It seems like people back in Charlotte are going back to school this week. Good luck to all of you. I hope you all have a fabulous year ahead of you. It still hasn't hit me that I've graduated. Then again, I still have a hard time believing I'm actually here in NZ. Ah, mind games.
The day went by rather quickly. My brain was on complete overload by the time I left, but the attorneys are very organized/organised and I like that I have my own cubicle. And no, I didn't have a case of the Mondays today. :)
The best part of the job is that they're giving me the month of February off to go and travel. :) YAY! To the south island!
Oh, I didn't get a chance to write about my adventure on Saturday. A big group of us from the church drove way out in the wops to plant trees. As I stood with a spade in my hand, overlooking the beautiful green hills full of white balls of fluff (aka sheep), I realized I am not made for the country.
Seriously though, it was so beautiful, even though it was raining, the scenery looked like a painting. I will have to post pictures, but I'm way too tired to do so now.
It seems like people back in Charlotte are going back to school this week. Good luck to all of you. I hope you all have a fabulous year ahead of you. It still hasn't hit me that I've graduated. Then again, I still have a hard time believing I'm actually here in NZ. Ah, mind games.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
"People like you take all my luck."
I got an incredible job offer today! It's at a law firm, and I'm really hoping it's a great experience. I just had the interview yesterday and they called today to offer the job. I'm quite excited. The people there seem very nice and it's right downtown in the middle of everything. It seems like it's going to be a lot of work, but it's a Mon-Fri job and they've offered to give me the month of February off to travel. I have one more interview tomorrow, but I'm planning on calling and accepting the offer afterwards.
Other than searching for a job, I haven't done too much. I went to a couple more volcanoes (pictures to come). I suppose until I'm able to save up and actually go on my holiday, my life will seem typical. Work, work and more work. At least I don't have school on top of it.
So until it's time for traveling, I'll continue to do what I planned to do; grow in my relationship with God and learn more about myself.
Other than searching for a job, I haven't done too much. I went to a couple more volcanoes (pictures to come). I suppose until I'm able to save up and actually go on my holiday, my life will seem typical. Work, work and more work. At least I don't have school on top of it.
So until it's time for traveling, I'll continue to do what I planned to do; grow in my relationship with God and learn more about myself.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Anti-
I suppose I should back up a bit. I accepted this job at a hotel, but I only lasted a day. For the wage they offered, it just didn't seem worth it, especially since I would have to pay $150 a month to take the train there. Also, I would either be catching the 5:30am train or catching the late bus after 11pm depending on the shift I worked. The hotel was nice, and the people there were quite friendly, but the majority of them spoke broken English. It just wasn't the job I was looking for...so I didn't sign the contract.
Tomorrow, the job hunt begins again.
The day I quit turned out to be a good day actually. I went to a black sand beach for the first time ever. Two brothers, Mo and Sam, went with me to Piha. I can't wait until it gets warmer so I can go back without a jacket on. I love how some of the pictures came out.
My first glance at Piha from the road.
My first handful of black sand! :)
Many people die in this surf, but it supposedly has some of the best waves for surfing. I think I'll stick to wading.
It was kind of cold and very windy if you can't tell.
Messing with mother nature...
Are you suprised I'm mocking it?
This picture was taken from half way up Lion's Rock. You aren't allowed to go any higher than this anymore.
The amazing view from halfway. I wish I was allowed to go all the way, but that climb looked a bit terrifying. I saw two girls go up, but I like feeling safe.
Lion's Rock
Trying to tame the hair...
Sam, me and Mo on Lion's Rock.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Section
Today was an interesting day. I went to my interview, and I'm not sure that it went that well. Not only did the editor interview me, but the marketing manager was also there at the same time. I felt like every question they asked, I gave a crappy answer. They said that I didn't have that much experience, but they can see that I can write. If they want to give me a chance, they said they will first email me a story to work on, but will only give me an hour to write it. They have a special way of writing as it is a council newsletter/newspaper.
So I'm not really expecting a call back, but I suppose there's always hope. The job sounds intense though.
After the interview, I felt like crap. I was going to go hang out with Julia, but then I noticed I had a missed call. A guy from a hotel downtown wanted to interview me. I called him back, and walked straight over to the hotel for an interview. I met Christian (the restuarant and bar manager), Chris (female assistant manager), and Peter (the general manager). The interview lasted all of 15 minutes, but they offered me a job on the spot. They're concerned about the transportation issue b/c the train doesn't run until 6am and doesn't run after 10pm. They said they will probably pay me $12-13 an hour, and sometimes I will be working over 40 hours. I took the job since I need one, but I will continue to look elsewhere.
Now I suppose I have to tell you what the job is...so prepare to laugh. Some education I have. My dad was right. You're now looking at a new cocktail waitress. So sad.
The hotel has a bar in the front and the restaurant is behind it. They wanted me in the bar b/c all 3 commented on my bubbly personality and how outgoing I am. That is the first time I've been described as bubbly, but I'm going to take it as a compliment. I have my trial run on Thursday morning. I have to catch the train at 5:30am to get there in time. Eh.
Well, I am going to try to get to sleep early so I will be ready to go to sleep early tomorrow night. Wish me luck.
Your waitress.
So I'm not really expecting a call back, but I suppose there's always hope. The job sounds intense though.
After the interview, I felt like crap. I was going to go hang out with Julia, but then I noticed I had a missed call. A guy from a hotel downtown wanted to interview me. I called him back, and walked straight over to the hotel for an interview. I met Christian (the restuarant and bar manager), Chris (female assistant manager), and Peter (the general manager). The interview lasted all of 15 minutes, but they offered me a job on the spot. They're concerned about the transportation issue b/c the train doesn't run until 6am and doesn't run after 10pm. They said they will probably pay me $12-13 an hour, and sometimes I will be working over 40 hours. I took the job since I need one, but I will continue to look elsewhere.
Now I suppose I have to tell you what the job is...so prepare to laugh. Some education I have. My dad was right. You're now looking at a new cocktail waitress. So sad.
The hotel has a bar in the front and the restaurant is behind it. They wanted me in the bar b/c all 3 commented on my bubbly personality and how outgoing I am. That is the first time I've been described as bubbly, but I'm going to take it as a compliment. I have my trial run on Thursday morning. I have to catch the train at 5:30am to get there in time. Eh.
Well, I am going to try to get to sleep early so I will be ready to go to sleep early tomorrow night. Wish me luck.
Your waitress.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Fringe
I have a job interview tomorrow! It's for a writing position at a local newsletter. I'm kind of nervous, as this is my first interview, but hopefully it won't be the last. I would really like this job though because it's a 6 month contract. I would be able to save some money, then afterwards, take off for the south island and travel for a month. I'm such a dreamer.
Other than applying for jobs, I've been spending a lot of time with people from church. I've been learning a lot about myself in just these two weeks that I've been here. I hope and pray that this trip is exactly what I need. I've come to realize there is some bitterness in my heart towards someone that I really must get over. It sounds so easy, but I've allowed Satan to really grab ahold, which is obviously the last thing I wanted. So I ask for your help in prayer...that I can fully forgive and not hold any remaining bitterness in my heart.
On a happier note, I went to Devonport recently. There are two dormant volcanoes there, with amazing views. I hope you enjoy these pictures!
Here I am, being goofy. :)
Mt. Victoria
I love this city! Everywhere I go, I see spectacular views of the city.
It was extremely windy on top of Mt. Victoria!
I felt like Mario. I didn't see any evil villains though.
My new friend!
View from the top of North Head
Before the tide went out...
and after.
I got to see a really cool graveyard. If you know me well enough, there are obviously more pictures than this, but I thought I would spare you.Chess anyone?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Choice!
The museum stairs I fell down...
The beautiful rainbow near the museum
My foster mom, Stephanie
My foster dad, Walter
I like this picure of the city :)wop-wops
I apologize for not updating my blog this past week. I've been spending a lot of time with people from church and I've also been quite addicted to the last Harry Potter book. I don't fully understand part of the ending, so if anyone has read it and wants to explain, please email me. :)
So what have I been up to?
I've spent quite a lot of time with my "flatmates," Stephanie and Walter. We went to Mission Bay one day, as well as some other perfect summer spots. Unfortunately, it has rained quite a bit here lately, so my pictures aren't the greatest. While we were in Mission Bay, I was happy to see they have a Movenpick, an ice cream shop I loved in Germany. Also, we stopped to get some fish and chips. Seeing as how I don't eat seafood though, I just got the chips.
One of the brothers, Mo, met me downtown one day. We went to the Auckland Museum and the botanical gardens next door. It should come as no surprise that as we were leaving the Museum, I was totally into the view and fell down the concrete stairs. As Mo tried not to laugh, I didn't hold back. The bruises I acquire are more like trophies these days, and the one on my back is one to be proud of. The museum was different from other's I've been to. It was full of the most random stuff, but was enjoyable nonetheless. As we were leaving, it began to pour (big surprise), but I got to see the most defined rainbow I've ever laid eyes on.
Stephanie and Walter left me in charge on Friday night during the Singles event that took place at their house. That was interesting...people kept asking me where things were, and I didn't know. Oops.
I've been getting to know another married couple as well, Deanna and Mark. They have two cute little boys that are always providing some sort of entertainment.
Yesterday I went downtown to apply at more hotels. I also hung out with Julia for a bit. She's currently working at a cafe, but only plans to stay in Auckland for two months. Afterwards, she is planning to travel and work throughout the country. While everything in me would love to do the same, I don't think that would be wise for me spiritually. I will do some traveling while I'm here, but I think it's best that I stay based in Auckland.
Besides, I like my living situation. Walter and Stephanie have been great and done everything they can to make me feel welcome. I also don't mind riding the train to and from the city. It's not that cheap, but considering the fact that I don't have a car, it's not that bad. Not only that, but the idea of driving on the other side of the road freaks me out. For instance, last night I tried to get in on the driver's side. Roundabouts also scare me, and I'm still constantly reminding myself to look RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT before crossing the street. Don't worry, I use the crosswalk when I can.
I was hoping that I would be able to pick up the accent while I am here, but I've found that to be impossible. It's easier to mock an Australian, but the Kiwi's sound different. Walter and Stephanie have been laughing at me as I try to mimic them. Every word I say sounds British. I don't get it. I can have a British accent any time I want, but I cannot sound like a Kiwi at all. Sigh.
It's almost been like learning a foreign language in some aspects. For instance, the trunk of a car is called a boot. I love the differences. I'm going to be really messed up when I come back to the States. Ha ha.
Well, I must go now. I will post pictures soon! (Maybe even today?)
So what have I been up to?
I've spent quite a lot of time with my "flatmates," Stephanie and Walter. We went to Mission Bay one day, as well as some other perfect summer spots. Unfortunately, it has rained quite a bit here lately, so my pictures aren't the greatest. While we were in Mission Bay, I was happy to see they have a Movenpick, an ice cream shop I loved in Germany. Also, we stopped to get some fish and chips. Seeing as how I don't eat seafood though, I just got the chips.
One of the brothers, Mo, met me downtown one day. We went to the Auckland Museum and the botanical gardens next door. It should come as no surprise that as we were leaving the Museum, I was totally into the view and fell down the concrete stairs. As Mo tried not to laugh, I didn't hold back. The bruises I acquire are more like trophies these days, and the one on my back is one to be proud of. The museum was different from other's I've been to. It was full of the most random stuff, but was enjoyable nonetheless. As we were leaving, it began to pour (big surprise), but I got to see the most defined rainbow I've ever laid eyes on.
Stephanie and Walter left me in charge on Friday night during the Singles event that took place at their house. That was interesting...people kept asking me where things were, and I didn't know. Oops.
I've been getting to know another married couple as well, Deanna and Mark. They have two cute little boys that are always providing some sort of entertainment.
Yesterday I went downtown to apply at more hotels. I also hung out with Julia for a bit. She's currently working at a cafe, but only plans to stay in Auckland for two months. Afterwards, she is planning to travel and work throughout the country. While everything in me would love to do the same, I don't think that would be wise for me spiritually. I will do some traveling while I'm here, but I think it's best that I stay based in Auckland.
Besides, I like my living situation. Walter and Stephanie have been great and done everything they can to make me feel welcome. I also don't mind riding the train to and from the city. It's not that cheap, but considering the fact that I don't have a car, it's not that bad. Not only that, but the idea of driving on the other side of the road freaks me out. For instance, last night I tried to get in on the driver's side. Roundabouts also scare me, and I'm still constantly reminding myself to look RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT before crossing the street. Don't worry, I use the crosswalk when I can.
I was hoping that I would be able to pick up the accent while I am here, but I've found that to be impossible. It's easier to mock an Australian, but the Kiwi's sound different. Walter and Stephanie have been laughing at me as I try to mimic them. Every word I say sounds British. I don't get it. I can have a British accent any time I want, but I cannot sound like a Kiwi at all. Sigh.
It's almost been like learning a foreign language in some aspects. For instance, the trunk of a car is called a boot. I love the differences. I'm going to be really messed up when I come back to the States. Ha ha.
Well, I must go now. I will post pictures soon! (Maybe even today?)
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sweet As....
I have arrived in Auckland safely...and I love this place.
I got stopped at customs b/c my work permit wasn't in their system, but about 30 minutes later, I was finally on my way. A brother from the church in Auckland was at the airport to pick me up, and from there we went straight to church. Surprisingly, I slept most of the way on the plane, so I was able to stay awake during church. :)
The church here has welcomed me with open arms. I met a lot of people, and even though the church is small, there are quite a few singles. A bunch of us went out to lunch too, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them better.
After 11 hours of sleep (I wish this was normal for me!), I woke up and went to my program's orientation. It was only about two hours long, and quite informative. There was a girl from Germany there, and so of course I had to talk to her. So after the orientation, we went and walked around a bit, then stopped by the bank. She later hung out with me and another brother from the church for most of the day.
Sadly, the job hunt begins tomorrow. While I've enjoyed my time relaxing since May, it's about time to start working again. I've got a few ideas as to where I want to apply, so hopefully one of those will work out.
I'm a bit tired still, so I think I might go crash now. I hope all is well back at home!
I got stopped at customs b/c my work permit wasn't in their system, but about 30 minutes later, I was finally on my way. A brother from the church in Auckland was at the airport to pick me up, and from there we went straight to church. Surprisingly, I slept most of the way on the plane, so I was able to stay awake during church. :)
The church here has welcomed me with open arms. I met a lot of people, and even though the church is small, there are quite a few singles. A bunch of us went out to lunch too, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know them better.
After 11 hours of sleep (I wish this was normal for me!), I woke up and went to my program's orientation. It was only about two hours long, and quite informative. There was a girl from Germany there, and so of course I had to talk to her. So after the orientation, we went and walked around a bit, then stopped by the bank. She later hung out with me and another brother from the church for most of the day.
Sadly, the job hunt begins tomorrow. While I've enjoyed my time relaxing since May, it's about time to start working again. I've got a few ideas as to where I want to apply, so hopefully one of those will work out.
I'm a bit tired still, so I think I might go crash now. I hope all is well back at home!
Friday, July 20, 2007
And so my adventure begins...
I leave for New Zealand today! It hasn't really hit me yet. When I think about past vacations, reality normally doesn't sink in until a few days later.
I'm looking forward to being a part of the church in Auckland. I hope that I can serve and help in any way possible, as well as learn more about God. I pray that you all have a wonderful year ahead of you, full of blessings and God's love.
I leave you with the verse I plan to engrave on my heart this year:
"Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws."
~Psalm 119:105-106
P.S. If any female has not read the book, Secure In Heart, I HIGHLY recommend it!
I'm looking forward to being a part of the church in Auckland. I hope that I can serve and help in any way possible, as well as learn more about God. I pray that you all have a wonderful year ahead of you, full of blessings and God's love.
I leave you with the verse I plan to engrave on my heart this year:
"Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws."
~Psalm 119:105-106
P.S. If any female has not read the book, Secure In Heart, I HIGHLY recommend it!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Let the countdown begin
I have 36 days left in the US, so I figured I'd leave a quick note regarding my flights.
I will be departing on July 20th at 5pm, stopping in LA for a lovely 4 hour layover, then I'll finally be on my way to AUCKLAND! I will get there on July 22; however, it will still be the 21st here.
People keep asking me about the time difference. I will be 16 hours ahead...so if it's 8pm Eastern Standard time, it's noon (tomorrow) there.
Feel free to email me at any time. I hope that everyone is doing well. :)
I will be departing on July 20th at 5pm, stopping in LA for a lovely 4 hour layover, then I'll finally be on my way to AUCKLAND! I will get there on July 22; however, it will still be the 21st here.
People keep asking me about the time difference. I will be 16 hours ahead...so if it's 8pm Eastern Standard time, it's noon (tomorrow) there.
Feel free to email me at any time. I hope that everyone is doing well. :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Auckland!
This will be my new home as of July 22nd. I just wanted to test and see how easy it was to post pictures. Enjoy the view!
It's official!!!
I'm going to New Zealand! Everything has been finalized. Here's my itinerary for the next couple of months:
I graduate from UNC Charlotte on May 12th.
I go to Colorado to spend time with my family on May 30th.
I leave for Auckland on July 20th and arrive on the 22nd.
I plan on applying for jobs prior to my departure, but I'm trying not to plan too much. I don't even know where I am going to live yet! I am so excited! I can't wait!!!
I graduate from UNC Charlotte on May 12th.
I go to Colorado to spend time with my family on May 30th.
I leave for Auckland on July 20th and arrive on the 22nd.
I plan on applying for jobs prior to my departure, but I'm trying not to plan too much. I don't even know where I am going to live yet! I am so excited! I can't wait!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)