Heaps

I really like my job at the law firm...the only downfall is that I'm exhausted when I get home. I really think I've just been stressing myself out in trying to be perfect so when I make a mistake I get frustrated. I've spent some time praying about this too...that I'll just hand it over to God and stop trying to be the best for man. I want to do my best for God, even while at work.

I heard a really great lesson at church today. The point was made that when people wrong us, we're quick to point a finger, but when we're wrong, we are quick to justify and not admit our wrongdoings. So as I think about this whole abandonment issue, I admit I was not perfect. God knows where I messed up and I've prayed a lot about just moving on.

Two years ago, I found God. These past two years have been hard, and I know there are harder ones to come, but I don't regret my decision. Oh yes...I have made mistakes, learned a lot, been abandoned and hurt, experienced happy emotional tears and my heart still yearns for God. This fight has only begun and it will be interesting to see where I am at in two years.

After my last post, a sister in Charlotte wrote me this long email that encouraged my soul beyond words. She explained that I haven't lost my fire, it's only grown...and I'm now on this whole new level. She even sent me a list of ways she's seen me grow. One thing mentioned that I found funny was serving by doing a brother's laundry. It's funny though b/c when I did it, I never thought of it being an inconvience...or serving. The two she listed that made me think was how I turn to God more in rough/interesting situations (loosing a friend, coming to NZ, etc) and how I'm very caring about the spiritual well-being of others.

I consider the last two exactly what I needed to hear. It's not always easy going to God first. I'm not exactly sure how I made the decision when I got baptized to make a year vow to God to not date anyone, but I'm glad I did it. I needed to learn to focus on Him and always put Him first. Someone recently told me that it's easier to be single because you're able to focus on God first and not worry about someone else. I suppose there is some truth to that, but as long as the other person is aiming towards the same goal, I can only hope and pray that I fight to put Him first always.

I considered caring about the spiritual well-being of others to be a curse this year. It saddens me that I let this one situation allow me to feel as if I shouldn't care, especially if it's going to turn someone against me. I stand corrected. God placed certain convictions on my heart that I hope I live by until I die. It is who I am...it is how He is refining me.

To this sister, I thank her for her email. To everyone reading this, I am happy to be celebrating my 2nd birthday this week. I will continue to fight, learn and love. It is when I no longer focus on God that I do not recognize myself. He is my rock and I can do nothing without him. I pray God continues to soften my heart and allow me to learn as much as I can while I'm abroad. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to check in on me. Please feel free to leave or email prayer requests because while I may be far away, prayer is powerful and I want to help in any way possible.

::Singing Someday::