Pram

Does time heal all wounds? I've been giving this some thought recently. I want to believe it. I want it to be true. But yet...I still doubt.

Someone recently wrote to me and told me that my last blog sounded depressing. While I understand and appreciate their concern, I know that I can sound pessimistic at times when I'm really only trying to convey my deepest feelings.

I'm coming up on my second year as a disciple. In about 12 days I will be two, and while it's already been a long journey, I can only imagine what the next two years will be like. I love being a disciple. I love meeting my brothers and sisters around the world and really feeling how big and how real this truly is. I can't help but think back to where I was two years ago...so young and so alive...so passionate and on fire. It saddens me to think how the world and old friendships have taken a toll on me. I compare myself to where I was two years ago and am convicted. I wasn't afraid of the future. I knew I'd always have God by my side. My love for God was anything but transparent.

I saw the movie Amazing Grace last night and was quite impressed. Even at $14, the movie was well worth it. I keep thinking back to this scene where the main character goes to his garden and just sits on the wet grass and talks to God. He states that he would rather be spending his time there than pursuing his career. Of course these scene brings thoughts and questions up. Am I making every effort? I don't expect this blog to benefit anyone aside from myself at this point. I just know that writing my feelings and forcing myself to be vulnerable is the only way I grasp the confused jumbled thoughts in my head.

Well, it is quite late here and I need to get some sleep before church tomorrow. Don't be surprised if I write more of my thoughts as it comes closer to 13 September. Life is confusing...this much I know. And I am one confused individual. For now, I think I'll go rest my busy mind and prepare myself for another full day of thoughts.